Welcome to Childless- a support resource for women who want to be Mommies, but for whatever reasons, aren't.
This online resource was born, if you will, for two reasons: to help women like myself who long to be mothers and aren't, and, as a sort of therapy to work through the subsequent fallout of being childless.
There are many different reasons for not having a child; and each must be treated as uniquely and as individually as we are. However, the bottom line remains the same: If you're a woman who wants to be a Mother and aren't, you probably carry feelings of longing, sadness, anxiety and perhaps depression. You may harbor resentment towards those who have children, or possibly fight back tears the moment you hear of another one of your friends or relatives being pregnant.
Is it like that for me? You bet. Out of a need to reach others in the Childless Boat, I'm here on this stormy sea talking to you- wanting all of us who need to connect, to do so.
Sometimes, just reading or talking to someone who shares feelings similar to yours makes you feel a little less crazy and a bit more normal. When I hear someone say how tough it is when someone simply asks if they have children, I feel for them and also feel better about myself. I have the same reaction most of the time. I blow past the subject with a quick "no"- hoping the conversation will end there. Then, I find my insides wanting to 'flip' and my voice wanting to scream.
And, as with everything in life, the moment passes. I'm brought back to a place, often an uncomfortable one, where I've learned to control my longing for a child and exist. I enjoy the happy times. Trouble is, I never know when or what the next trigger point will be, thrusting me into a world of apparent hopelessness and longing- feeling on the outside looking in.
I don't like living like this, and would find it hard to believe there are no other women in the world who feel like me. I think there are many of us, and we need to hold hands, forming a circle of strength, courage and support which reaches around the globe. In numbers there's power, and after having the wind knocked out of your sails time and time again, power counterbalances the draining effects of constantly thinking about all the 'what ifs' and 'could bes'.
To all women who want to be Mommies and aren't, I say, "Boy, do I feel what you're feeling. I know how your heart aches and I cry the same tears you do." Whether you're dealing with problems of infertility, are single and would like to be a two parent family, are single with the money for in-vitro, but are afraid to do it alone, or, have a partner, but for whatever reasons you can't agree on when or if you'll have children, I empathize with you. My feet may travel a different path, but we all are seeking the same destination...
To be Mommies.
© Ellen M. DuBois
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